Tonight I feel so virtuous.
It’s like I’m at a day spa and it’s all because the little darling is in her cot and not screaming and it’s 7:30pm.
I had time to make myself scrambled eggs on toast. And sit and write this. It’s a success. Does this mean that things are finally getting easier? I’m not quite in the mood for smiling about it – one being for tiredness has overruled my ability to feel excited right now and two, ‘touch wood and all that’ – will it last?
I also wonder am I a bad mum for just wanting so bad to have this me time. And when did me time become sitting down to eat. It’s really come to that. The smiles do make it a heck of a lot easier, this is true, but the motherhood journey is hard and sometimes I just want to shut my eyes and zone out from responsibilities but then I reflect and feel like a horrible mother – is this normal I wonder.
I do think a week on from last, I’m slightly more energised though. Perhaps this is just a case of learning to live when I’m so exhausted though. It’s a different feeling to that when you’ve pulled an all nighter it’s a much deeper sleep deprevation. Your body doesn’t feel better if you gulp down a litre of orange juice and fry up some bacon, well it does but it’s not fixed as much. Camomile tea and eggs on toast to full the stomach and calm the nerves is what it’s about now.