It’s not the typical day you’d have at the office when you’re a mum, and I say this when I’m only a mum of one – for those mamma’s with more than one darling to feed I take my hat off to you. Some days you nail it and other days you just simply don’t. You’ve no control of your routine and your new boss doesn’t even know what they want or when they’ll want it.
The day can go oh so quickly. Sometimes I get plenty done and other times I get zilch done. Today we did lots and I’m proud of that, it means there’s still hope for a functional life, again, at some stage, when ever that may be.
We made it to a new coffee group today, I didn’t enjoy it as much as my established one. However, we went along – meeting new Mum’s is kind of like speed dating for friendships.. you suss out the age of their baby, where they live (travel distance means time and more coordination) what they do (a bit judgemental I know) and their basic parenting philosophy.
We visited my sister and saw her new house. It’s beautiful and large and has so much potential for renovations. Her daughter has taken on the role of big cousin and is delighted by the baby with her favourite quote “look at the baby, look at the baby” and my favourite “my mummy fed me boobie too”. It seems like yesterday she was just the size of my little bundle of joy.
And after our day of social visits we drove home, where feeling rather cool and in control of how well things had gone, slightly indulging myself with self-praise, I thought it rather a great idea to prolong this peaceful moment and pop into the grocery shop. Yes, the grocery shop has become a hidden place of joy for me – a place where life outside the house exists and conversations over what spuds to roast for dinner make me feel I’ve achieved normality. As I smoothly transitioned the car into the super market turning lane, parked at the lights and smiled to myself (you got this).. my baby starting screaming, she started howling, she started shaking and not breathing properly. Suddenly my world became enclosed and focused again – my only duty right now was to quieten the noise and calm the bundle. Before I knew it, I was pulling over into a semi-safe place to park, and I was pulling out my boob.
It’s moments like these I realise how much my world has changed and how little control I feel I have over my day .. and night.
A day with a baby can be so many great things filled with so many amazing moments. If I’m honest though, it can also be really shi*, lonely and unpredictable.
What I find the hardest is accepting this lack of control and structure I have, planning has to be at minimal and the execution is likely poor. Because I’m a first time mum also, it’s really hard to know how long I’ll feel like this or how long this “phase” will last.